Making every second count on your calls to service singles

Service singles (single men and women in the Armed Forces) overseas are separated by thousands of miles and limited talk time on mobile phones, so it’s important to make every second count.

Service men and women have 30 minutes a week free talk time on their mobile and you need to plan in advance what you are going to say.

It’s hard to keep a romance going on two hours a month talking plus any other time you can grab chatting online.

Don’t forget your partner has eagerly looked forward to your chat as much if not more as you have at least your family and friends are around you in a safe zone.

What to talk about

* Planning the future - Setting out plans for dates when your partner comes home gives them something to look forward to and removes any doubt about the strength of your relationship and gives you both a hook about future promises to think about while you are apart.

* Good times - Remind each other of great days out you have had in the past.

* Fun times - Laugh about people you know or something daft that has happened to them.

What to avoid

* Fretting about your relationship - he or she may will want to know you are OK but they don’t want you to inject any doubt.

* Don’t talk like your grandma - you may have been poorly or have trouble with the bills, but other people really don’t want to know that when they ask how things are going.

The idea is that your conversations and online chats are fun times not moments you dread because you are depressed and miserable about spending time on your own or your partner has to listen to small talk they don’t really want to hear.

Of course, you don’t want to go too far and give your partner the impression that you having such a good time while they are away that you really aren’t bothered whether they come back or not.

Another good idea is to have a checklist of topics to tick off while you are chatting to make sure you do not miss out anything important.

Online dating breaks the rules of attraction

Finding your ideal guy or girl in uniform from an online dating site means all the so-called rules of attraction just don’t work.

Looking for a romance with someone in the services via the internet means you have to work out a new set of rules to define your relationship.

Often, relationships with soldiers, sailors or airmen are long-distance affairs that short cut the way traditional pairings pan out because of constraints of time zones and the fact your other half may be in a war zone.

Face-to-face you can use body language flirts and cues to show your interest, but online these are no good.

For instance, psychologists say we show visual cues to members of the opposite sex we think might make a suitable partner. These cues would be pointing your knee or toes at the person you want to address most in the group.

Then there are the flirty hair stroking, little smiles and sly looks.

If you are chatting online with someone, then you have no way of judging how what you are saying comes over because you have no visual cues.

On the other hand, the internet rids many people of their natural shyness and allows them to say things they might have taken a lot longer to broach face-to-face.

So what can you use as romantic reference points in an online relationship?

• You have got to know who you are talking to, so you need to make sure you contact your friends through a site like Love Services, where we check out profiles and try to make the environment for chat as safe as possible for everyone.

• Don’t send any photographs or personal information to someone you don’t really know – perhaps asking for a video chat to confirm the person at the other end is really who they say they are and matches their profile picture.
• Stick in your comfort zone – don’t let someone at the other end try and force the pace.
• Try not to send signals that can be interpreted in a different way from what you mean – try and be clear about what you say to the person at the other end.
• Remember that visual cues and body language work both ways and ask for reassurance if you are picking up vibes from the other end that seem at odds with what’s being said.

Girls and guys in uniform tend to be good communicators because they are team workers and often need people skills to do their jobs – don’t forget services include the police, nurses and firemen, not just the army, navy and air force.

If you belong to one of the services – civil or military – don’t forget that ordinary people may not understand some of the jargon that you use without thinking on a day-to-day basis.

You may have to show a little patience and explain what you mean a little more than if you were having a chat with a colleague whom knows what you are talking about.