The Advantages of Online Dating
Dating has never been more complicated.
With millions of women dolling themselves up every Friday and Saturday night to go out on the prowl for a new boyfriend, and millions of men equally as determined to find a new partner, it comes as no surprise that people have turned to the internet in a bid to find love.
What is surprising, however, is the amount of people who are unwilling to admit the way they found their partner. With nearly 8 million people in the UK alone logging on to find a date last year, why is online dating such a taboo subject?
After living in New York, the differences in the dating scenes are more than apparent. Whereas in the UK people treat dating as the be all and end all of life itself, in New York both men and women are more likely to treat it as a bit of fun. While it can be hard to deal with, men dating around eight women at once, it is also a much more light-hearted way to cope with love..
New Yorker Robert Sinclair met Emily Mountcrest, his girlfriend of over a year, on a dating website and insists it is better to contact someone via the internet that to just approach a person in a bar.
“I think online dating works because of the sheer number of people you come in contact with,” Robert explained. “In one evening, you might go through 30 profiles, the equivalent of a few months of opening conversations at bars.
“One of the other advantages is that you get the picture part out of the way so it gives you a certain amount of confidence when you meet up with someone. You know that they at least are physically attracted to you enough to go out on a date, and this allows you to be yourself.”
Another attraction to internet dating is that it is the easiest way to meet someone after leaving school or university. Statistically, most people find their future partners at work, or at an educational facility, but if you work in a small office or have left education, then this becomes more difficult.
“It is hard to meet people after college and online dating gives you a forum to do so outside of a bar,” Emily explained.
However, this is not to say there aren’t drawbacks to meeting someone online.
One of the most common problems is when people put up a misleading, or sometimes entirely fake, profile picture.
“I think some people put up misleading photos unwittingly,” Robert added, “but I've definitely met people who wound up looking much worse than their pictures. But on other, rare, occasions you meet people who look better than their pictures.”
It is also easier to make a snap judgement about somebody based entirely on their profile pictures. In a society where the majority of women admit they find a sense of humour one of the most attractive qualities in a man, this can prove problematic.
Everyone has different ways of approaching dating and dealing with their own love lives, but perhaps we should reconsider the reasons behind online dating and realise that, in some situations, it is the perfect way to meet the perfect partner.
The Twelve Golden Rules Of Online Dating
Whether you’re looking for marriage, romance, a casual encounter, or just new friends online dating has proved itself to be a successful method of bringing people together. With the number of sites now in the thousands the choice can seem bewildering and this is why Love Services concentrates on niche sites that provide a common starting point for its members rather than a large pool of people with whom the member may not have a lot (if anything) in common.
Whichever site you join you can benefit from these ten golden rules which when followed fully will multiply your chances of success by several factors.
1. When you first sign up and start building your profile you’ll probably have to tick a few boxes and then type in some text in answer to several questions. Type this out in your word processor first, run a spellchecker over it, proof read it, and make sure you are satisfied with the result. Save a copy on your computer so that you can use it again if you join more than one site.
2. Put some thought into what you want to say about yourself. Don’t just mention your interests; add some detail about what you’re looking for. Men can be particularly reticent and if you are a man try to avoid including overtly sexual references. Women on the other hand tend to write better descriptions of themselves so perhaps all they need to do is to hint at delights to come!
3. As you describe yourself keep to the positive and highlight your best features. Don’t dwell on what you perceive are your weaknesses or faults. Don’t just write one or two lines; no one is going to be interested in that. Anyone seeing something brief and vague is going to assume that you’re not really serious or interested in getting a date and they’ll move on.
4. Upload at least three photos. This is very important so I’ll say it again: UPLOAD AT LEAST THREE PHOTOS. If you can’t upload or don’t know how then make use of the alternatives i.e. email your pictures in as attachments or put them in the post. People will allow go for profiles with photos over those without so if you haven’t added photos to your profile you’re already off to a poor start.
5. Ask a friend or colleague to take a good selection of pictures of you with a digital camera. Try to include some head and shoulders shots as well as full length. Avoid including shots of yourself when drunk, asleep or any other way not at your best; it rarely makes a good impression. Don’t use photos in which you have cut out your ex-partner. Get someone to take a new picture.
6. If someone contacts you, think before replying. Make a good first impression but don’t get carried away. Read the other person’s profile before responding and pick out something that interests you. Avoid using BLOCK CAPITALS.
7. Do respond, even if you’re not interested. This person has taken the trouble to contact you so even if having viewed their profile you are not interested then at least let them down gently. A gentle let down is far preferable to being ignored.
8. If the site contains a Forum then participate in the discussions. People will gradually get to know you by your responses and comments and it’s a good way of making yourself stand out from the crowd.
9. Upgrade your membership i.e. become a fully participating member by taking out a subscription. It’s the only way you will ever be able to initiate contact and it will give you access to all the site’s functions. I know it means parting with hard earned cash but you’ll be paying the equivalent of a few drinks each month for access to a site that could change your life for the better in all kinds of ways.
10. Make sure you’re full aware of all the site’s functions, tricks, and statistics. Use the ‘Saved Searches’ function to keep you up to date with new members who match your criteria. There’s a lot of information to be had if you look for it. Also, read the dating tips and advice and learn from the experience of others.
11. Need help? Stuck? Check the Help and/or FAQ sections on the site. They are so named for very good reasons. FAQ stands for Frequently Asked Questions and the problem you are encountering has probably been dealt with before so check before asking for help. If the answer is not there ASK. That’s what the site administrators are there for – to give you support as well as deal with the technical side.
12. Lastly, when you have enjoyed some success on the site tell the administrators about it. Tell them how it worked, what you think of the site, how happy you are, and what your plans are. You’ll not only feel good about doing so but you’ll be shining some light on the road for those that follow behind you.
Your dream date or new friends could be online today looking for you, so start your search and follow these rules to be assured of a strong chance of success. It might take a few hours or it might take a few months so be persistent.
Many people who have joined one of the Love Services sites have remained members even though they have found a new partner simply because they enjoy the friendships they have also found there.
Taking things further
Start by communicating online using the facilities on the site you have joined. In this way your anonymity is preserved while you get to know your contact better.
* Don't give out any details about yourself (especially contact details) until you feel comfortable in doing so.
* Take your time. Don't rush into anything.
* If you feel you're being rushed by another Member then slow it down or walk away. You're under no obligation to meet anyone or reveal anything you don't want to.
* If you feel concerned by anything walk away and let us know of anything you think is odd or unpleasant.
* If you are suspicious of anything a person says, inconsistencies, reticence, anything at all that makes you unsure then don't continue the dialogue.
* Ask for a photo.
* Before arranging to meet chat on the phone.
* Ask friends what they think and don't be shy to ask for a second opinion.
* If at any time you feel pressured, threatened, or just uncomfortable with the contact, report your concerns to the site administration.
Having said all that don't be discouraged. People tend to have a surprising level of integrity despite the gloomy picture portrayed by the media. Follow this advice and trust your instincts and you will be safe.
Meeting People
If you arrange to meet somebody through the site exercise the same caution as you would on any date. Be sensible and trust your instincts. These tips may sound a little alarming to some while over cautious to others, but it's been found that 'common sense' is not as common as it should be!
* Use your judgement and be responsible.
* Meet in a public place.
* Tell friends where you are going.
* Take a mobile phone with you.
* Do not pass on any contact information (e.g. your home phone number or your address) until you feel comfortable doing so.
* If your date presses you for this information walk away. By going on a date you are under no obligations to reveal more than you choose.
* If, for any reason, you feel uncomfortable during the date then leave.
* Guard your drink to ensure that it is not spiked. If you're concerned, make sure you get your own drinks.
* Treat your date with respect. If you feel you don't click it's better to let them know (even if it's a made-up excuse) rather than getting your a coat and doing a runner without telling them.
* If your date is not keen on meeting again please don't feel that you've been rejected. Different people look for different things. There are more people on the site! You may not meet the right person on your first date.
How to increase your chances of success with online dating
Searching for a new partner online is a well-worn path and you can benefit from the experience of those who have followed this road before you.
One can divide online daters into two types; the reactive and the proactive. Reactive daters tend to build a profile and then sit back and wait for someone to contact them. The chances of success using this method vary according to the interest generated by their profiles and that interest depends on how well the profile is constructed and what photos are included. Profiles that are lacking in detail and contain no photos attract little attention while those that clearly belong to someone who is sincere in their search and contain a selection of photos can attract the attention of other members.
Proactive daters will not only build a profile but also actively seeking out new partners by contacting new members directly, participating in chat rooms, and posting new topics and replies in forums. Proactive daters are by far the most successful of the two types. By taking the first step of contacting other members directly they are often rewarded by the discovery of a new friend. They are not put off by the fact that sometimes people fail to respond and they are persistent and patient in their search for partners. Proactive daters develop and online presence by participating in chats and forum discussions. This can attract the attention of other members since people are drawn to those who have something to say and who sound interesting.
Imagine this analogy; there's a large party for singles and everyone who has come to this party is looking for something. They're looking for romance, flirtation, a casual partner, a new penpal, marriage, or just someone who shares their interests and passions. Some of the party goers have arrived in their oldest clothes and sit facing the wall (bland profile, no photos) while others have put on their best outfits and are smiling and talking to everyone (interesting profile, photos, and proactive attitude). Who do you suppose is going to be more successful?
Passive Membership (non-subscribers)
Basic Profile, no photos, no subscription
Chances of success - poor
No subscription means that as a passive member you can only hope that someone contacts you, but what is there on such a brief profile that will attract contact from another member when there are so many more to browse and choose from?
Detailed profile, no photos, no subscription
Chances of success - poor to moderate
With a more detailed profile which perhaps has more to catch the eye of someone browsing but again the chances are low and you can't initiate contact.
Basic profile, photo(s), no subscription
Chances of success - moderate
The simple act of adding a photo has increased your chances of success by a factor ten. Even though your profile is light on detail perhaps your photo will be enough to attract contact from a subscriber.
Detailed profile, photo(s), no subscription
Chances of success - moderate to good
A full and detailed photo coupled with at least one photo is ideal. You've got the best chance of attracting contact from a subscriber, but you can't be proactive in your search, and a few photos would be better.
Full Membership (subscribers)
Basic profile, no photos, subscription
Chances of success - moderate to good
Your subscription allows you full functionality on the site so you can contact whomever you wish, but will they respond if they can't read much about your or view a photo of you?
Detailed profile, no photos, subscription
Chances of success - good to very good
You've increased your chances of a response by being more explicit in your profile but again, a photo would give your intended contacts more cause to respond.
Basic profile, photo(s), subscription
Chances of success - very good
Now you're talking! Full membership, and at least one photo. People you contact can now see you as can other subscribers who might contact you first.
Detailed profile, photo(s), subscription
Chances of success - THE BEST!
You're firing on all cylinders! Giving your potential pals something to interesting read and to look at is the best way of generating contact and response. The fact that you've gone to such efforts shows that you are serious about your search for new friends and partnerships. Not only have you made the best use of the profile itself but as a subscriber you can enjoy and make use of the full functionality of the site.
Any other tips?
Yes, be proactive. Don't sit back and wait for your prince(ss) to come; seize the day by upgrading to Premium Membership, add to the Forum, use the chat rooms, and generally get known among the membership. Let your attractive personality shine through the pages of this site.
Starting Out With Online Dating
For anyone who is new to the world of online dating, things could get a little confusing. Online dating differs from real life dating in many ways. One of the key differences is that with online dating, all of the action is done via the internet.
Individuals or groups of people who want to meet other people for social purposes, romantic attachments, or just to make new friends can do so through the means of online dating services.
This is a new, fun, and exciting way to meet people. Almost everyone is getting in on the action when it comes to online dating services. It has been assessed that approximately 1out of 5 Americans participate in an online dating service.
There are numerous online dating services that cater to all types of people. Individuals ranging in: age, interests, and that come from different demographics, and various walks of life.
The numbers of people who are participating in online dating services are on the rise. More than ever young people nowadays are using this method, as their main route to meet people. They see nothing shameful about this way of socializing. Plus, the anonymity that online dating services provide, they also find appealing.
After all, participants of online dating services don't have to meet the individuals they communicate with online in person. Not until they feel they've achieve some level of trust, and comfort with the other person. In the end, a participant always has the choice to meet or not to meet.
The more reliable online dating services are those that require memberships from participants. They have a given set of requirements that must be met before anybody is allowed to participate. This allows the online dating service website to accept or reject aspiring members. Some of these online dating services are not free. They charge a monthly fee for the services they offer.
Subscribers to online dating services are asked to create a profile which contains a picture of the subscriber and other useful information. This is where the subscribers get to post some basic personal information like interests, hobbies, and the description of the type of persons they'd want to connect with. The great thing about this is the subscribers have a chance to express themselves, and show their personality through their profiles. Also, they can specify exactly what they are looking for.
The subscribers are then matched with fellow subscribers who match their descriptions. Afterwards, it is up to the subscribers to pursue the connection with the other subscribers that they've been matched with.
This way of self advertising on an online dating service doesn't differ much from a personal, which basically operates on the same principle. These are the little pop-ups that appear on a lot of websites on the internet. It basically relays basic personal information, interests, quotes, a picture, and contact email of the person who has posted the personal. Any interested party can then contact that person.
The great thing about online dating services is that participants get to choose the persons they're going to communicate with. Plus, they get to read their profiles ahead of time, so they'd pretty much have an idea about what type of a person they are dealing with, before they make contact.
The downside to online dating services is that not everyone tells the truth on their profiles! Some married individuals have been known to lie about their marital status online. This has been an ongoing problem that has plagued the online dating service world since the beginning of its inception.
But a lot of online dating services are now enforcing more stringent rules to crackdown on this problem. Some are even doing background checks to make sure aspiring subscribers don't have a criminal record. This adds to the safety of the members of the online dating community.
The availability of online dating services makes this an appealing option for anyone who is looking to meet new people. Now, with the popularity of online dating services, the interactions people can have are not only limited to their set of friends, acquaintances, and co-workers any more.
It is so easy to partake in an online dating service. Anyone who has access to the internet can do so. Now, with just a simple click of a button any individual can be launched into the new and exciting world of online dating.
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Lawrence Andrews is an ePublisher, software developer, consultant and author of numerous books. Learn more about Online dating, visit his site at http://www.lmamedia.com
