What should I add/remove to/from my dating site profile?

There is intense competition for attention on online dating sites. This can be gleaned in the weight and importance given by online dating experts and advisers on dating profiles.

There are numerous articles on the web giving tips and advices on how to make a great online dating profile to increase the chances of responses and consequently finding the ideal online partner. Recommendations range from the usual generalities of honesty, creativity, and simplicity to tips on supercharging your photos. Specific suggestions on profile contents, however, are quite limited.

There are millions of people who join online dating sites and only a small percentage can express themselves effectively given the virtual limitations of the internet in particular and of written communication in general. Taking into consideration all the good-meaning advices on how to create a great online dating profile, what are the specific contents that should be added to or removed from one? An online dating profile should always have that unique, catchy and funny headline.

Dating, whether online or offline is basically selling yourself to other people; online dating profile, therefore, should be your marketing pitch. And just like those advertisement one-liners that successfully lodge themselves in our consciousness, your online dating profile should include an attention-grabbing headline that would make people interested enough to keep on reading about you and hopefully want to get to know you more. Instead of saying that you are “funny and have a great sense of humour” in exactly those words, write a catchy headline that shows you ARE funny and have a great sense of humour.

Dating Profile Headlines

Here are some examples of catchy and humorous headlines -- “Willing to lie about how we met!”, “Blondes have more fun but brunettes nag less often,” “Well preserved but not yet pickled” or “Some will, some won’t. Some do, some don’t. I might!” These headlines are definitely more attention-grabbing than “single male seeking single female”, “let’s get together”, “try me”, or “nice girl seeking nice boy” which belong more to those tiny boxed ads in the newspaper classifieds.

Although an online dating profile should not be a shortened version of your curriculum vitae since you’re looking for a date and not seeking employment, particulars about yourself should be included. Things which would help your prospective dates get a clearer picture of who you are without inviting security-risks on your part. Not offering information apart from your age or gender could add a touch of mystery, but it might also be a deterrent. If you are a divorcee with children, it is one fact that should be important enough to be mentioned in your profile.

Of course you don't have to reveal where you currently live if you don't want to, but mentioning the places you have lived in or at least visited would add another facet to your profile. You would widen the list of people who would get interested in you as you establish possible connections and similarities with them.

You need not write your whole career history and life’s plans but you could give at least an idea of what your profession (if any) is or has been. If you usually tell people you meet in a bar or at a party what it is that you do, then include it in your profile. Remember to be brief and not blabber on about the details.

Profiles & Personalities

Since dating and the possibility of relationships are the main objectives of online dating, communication plays a major key. The inclusion of the languages you speak should be included so any language barrier could be avoided and you establish a wider net of possible compatibilities.

Aside from mentioning the things that you like, you should also list some of your pet peeves. Mentioning pet peeves or the things that you don’t like should be stated in a less negative way. Avoid such phrases as “I definitely hate” or “I’m annoyed with...” Only include those that are of significance to you and not list things that would make you sound like a whiner.

Online dating profiles are both a sales pitch and a wanted ad rolled into one. It is equally important to mention the qualities you are looking for in an online date. The most important thing to keep in mind is to include age, appearance, communication and other response filters. If you are looking for people within a certain age bracket, possessing certain physical attributes and communication styles, you should say so. This way, you convey that you are the type of person who knows what he or she wants. Of course, do this in a non-offending manner.

As for using a screen name, try to come up with one that is equally remarkable and fascinating as your headline. If you couldn’t find something uniquely appealing, use your initials as a safe bet.

What should not be included in an online dating profile, then? For one, remove any sexual innuendos in your profile. It is a big turn off for many online dating site users. Sexual innuendos would only cheapen your whole profile. They are best left unsaid.

Do away with unimportant details like your favourite ice cream flavour, your favourite colour, or other trivial information. You are writing an online dating profile not answering a series of questions in a magazine for fourteen year olds.

Photo Personals

Lastly, take that lewd photo away. If you are to upload a photo of yourself (and not someone else’s), choose a decent one that is both pleasing and appealing. You might be surprised to learn that most people find vulgarity and lewdness to be unattractive.

In creating your online dating profile with the above points in mind, always do so in a positive, upbeat and constructive tone. The bottom line is, you should create a profile that describes you as you really are and not a made-up ideal person. Make yourself sound interesting without inventing and embellishing. After all, you would not want to be conned yourself, would you?

Christmas romances can last for years to come

"Please cancel my subscription and remove my profile"

Strange as it may seem such requests are music to our ears. The whole point of a dating is to bring people together after all, and to give them the chance to meet others and form lasting relationships.

So when our members ask us to remove their profiles we do so gladly as our work is done. Besides, more and more members join each week and so the cycle begins again.

Christmas - Humbug or Happy Holidays?

There's something about this time of year that brings emotions to the fore. All those careful controlled feelings that have simmered under a firmly clasped lid all year can easily spill over.

The yearning of a lonely soul is one such stirring that can suddenly become the biggest priority for a single man or woman. So now more than ever is a good time to reach out to others. If you seize the initiative you might just be in for some lovely surprises in the New Year!

The profile that let’s you see yourself as others do

Psychologists have come up with some tests for checking out the suitability of online partners who you may be talking to across thousands of miles without ever meeting.

The tests are free and are pointers towards your partner’s personality and compatibility with you – and if you are really brave, you can try the marriage test as well.

Good advice is to hold back on the marriage test for a while, because you don’t want to frighten the guy or girl off too quickly!

The compatibility test is based on famous psychologist’s Karl Jung’s work in ‘typology’, which is a model of personality traits.

Before you take the test, remember it’s not infallible and is just one of several indicators you should base any decisions that you might make about your relationship.

The test is just a list of questions that requires simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. The questions are designed to disclose information about you. Don’t worry about what you reveal because the test is anonymous and you don’t have to show anyone the results.

Click this link to take the test.

The test identifies four facets of your personality:

* Extraversion - introversion – whether you are outgoing or ingoing
* Sensing and intuition – believing information you receive direct from the outside world or from your own imagination

* Thinking and feeling – do you make decisions by logic or emotion

* Judging and perceiving – judging means you are organised and perceiving means you act on the spur of the moment

From the score under each heading, psychologists have modelled 16 character types and researched how these traits affect your life, romances and career.

As a bonus, the test results also gives a list of famous people who have similar personality traits to you.

A good reason to take the test is before you write your online profile. If your profile is not picking up a lot of hits and you want to know why, then taking this test is a good way of seeing yourself as others do.

You can then take the information of your personality type and rewrite a more accurate profile.

Just how much does your profile photo say about you?

The answer is a lot more than you think - a picture can say a thousand words and help you make an instant connection with a life partner, so you should choose your profile image wisely.

The experience is common for people meeting through online dating sites – often with the decision of whether someone is liked or disliked made in just a few seconds.

First impressions do count for a lot, according to a new study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, that claims we can learn a lot about each other’s personality just from appearance alone.

Almost 700 million people have online profiles

A staggering 700 million people worldwide spend time social networking online and most have profiles on several sites with their photographs.

The study found that putting the wrong picture online could give people a completely inaccurate impression about you.

Researchers for the study looked at full body photographs of 123 people that they did not know or had ever seen before. The photos either had the subject in a controlled pose with a neutral facial expression or a natural pose.

The researchers were then asked to rate each person on 10 personality traits by just looking at the photos.

The ratings were combined to work out how well the observers were able to guess the traits.

Even people standing in the controlled pose had their major personality traits accurately predicted, including extroversion, self-esteem, and even how religious they were.

Pick up a partner’s vibe from their photo

For people in a natural pose, the judgments were accurate for nine of the 10 personality traits, like extroversion, agreeability, conscientiousness, emotional stability, openness, likability, self-esteem, loneliness, religion and political orientation.

The message is that however hard you try to be someone you are not, people soon pick up on your real personality and whether they like you or not.

Translating this to your online profile pictures, depending on how the site controls the size of images you can pose, don’t zoom in too close and if possible, show a full body photo.

This gives potential partners a better opportunity to judge your personality rather than flicking on to the next profile. Likewise, before setting on a meeting, ask your friend to send you a full body picture to see what sort of vibe you get.

…And always post a profile picture or you are likely to be ignored, as observers have nothing to make a judgment against.

People You Should Never Date

How insecurity destroys online relationships

The big question for online daters who are looking for a guy or girl is whether the relationship is based on love or insecurity.

Everyone wants to live happy ever after with a dream partner, but only those genuinely in love are likely to do so.

So ask yourself carefully before you are drawn in to a commitment what your feelings are really saying to you.

The truth is most people don't like living alone and for one reason or another don't get a shot at their partner of choice. That means most people pick their partners from the available 'pool'.

In this case, the other singles registered on the Love Services site.

Not that there is anything wrong with that, and in no way is anyone settling for second best. If anything, someone is more likely to find a partner who is more suited to their desires on a site like this than elsewhere even if the pool of available people is larger.

Love v Insecurity

But what you need to figure out is are you entering a relationship because you have insecurities about growing old alone or is the other person really someone you can love and live with.

If the answer is your fear, then the relationship is unlikely to succeed and do you really want to be that selfish and unfair to someone else by pretending to live a life that is a lie.

Relationships like this are heading down a rocky road from the start and are inevitably doomed to failure because the insecurities will come out and destroy and real feelings that may be there.

If the answer is love, then the relationship is stronger and more likely to last on a basis of mutual support and respect.

Be honest with yourself

So before your relationship becomes more than just some online fun, be honest with yourself and what you are looking for and you should expect the same from your prospective partner.

Keeping up a relationship over long distance online is hard work for both people.

Having a relationship just because you are in the services and are away from home and lonely is letting your other half down. Likewise, getting involved in a relationship online with someone who is so far away that you are unlikely to ever meet is a sign of insecurity

Sooner or later the day will come when one or both of you look at taking the relationship further by establishing some form of commitment.

If you are in an insecure relationship, this is the time to stand up as an adult and be honest to yourself and your partner. If you don't you may live to regret missing the chance.

Online dating breaks the rules of attraction

Finding your ideal guy or girl in uniform from an online dating site means all the so-called rules of attraction just don’t work.

Looking for a romance with someone in the services via the internet means you have to work out a new set of rules to define your relationship.

Often, relationships with soldiers, sailors or airmen are long-distance affairs that short cut the way traditional pairings pan out because of constraints of time zones and the fact your other half may be in a war zone.

Face-to-face you can use body language flirts and cues to show your interest, but online these are no good.

For instance, psychologists say we show visual cues to members of the opposite sex we think might make a suitable partner. These cues would be pointing your knee or toes at the person you want to address most in the group.

Then there are the flirty hair stroking, little smiles and sly looks.

If you are chatting online with someone, then you have no way of judging how what you are saying comes over because you have no visual cues.

On the other hand, the internet rids many people of their natural shyness and allows them to say things they might have taken a lot longer to broach face-to-face.

So what can you use as romantic reference points in an online relationship?

• You have got to know who you are talking to, so you need to make sure you contact your friends through a site like Love Services, where we check out profiles and try to make the environment for chat as safe as possible for everyone.

• Don’t send any photographs or personal information to someone you don’t really know – perhaps asking for a video chat to confirm the person at the other end is really who they say they are and matches their profile picture.
• Stick in your comfort zone – don’t let someone at the other end try and force the pace.
• Try not to send signals that can be interpreted in a different way from what you mean – try and be clear about what you say to the person at the other end.
• Remember that visual cues and body language work both ways and ask for reassurance if you are picking up vibes from the other end that seem at odds with what’s being said.

Girls and guys in uniform tend to be good communicators because they are team workers and often need people skills to do their jobs – don’t forget services include the police, nurses and firemen, not just the army, navy and air force.

If you belong to one of the services – civil or military – don’t forget that ordinary people may not understand some of the jargon that you use without thinking on a day-to-day basis.

You may have to show a little patience and explain what you mean a little more than if you were having a chat with a colleague whom knows what you are talking about.

How I Met My Husband On An Online Dating Site

"When some of my friend urged me to sign up for an online dating site, I was very sceptical. How in the world could a website find my life partner for me? Now, I'm so glad that I took my friend's advice. I have been married to the man of my dreams for the past 3 years and would have never found him otherwise.

I logged on to the site; it was free and totally easy to set up my profile. After answering a few questions and adding some pictures, I was ready to go. A couple of weeks went by and I hadn't had anything going on. Then, one day it happened. I logged on and had a message. I read it and at first I really didn't know how to react. This man had read my dating profile and found that we had a lot in common. Still, how could he know anything about me just from reading my answers to a few basic questions? After taking a day to think it over, I responded to his message. I thought why not, what did I have to lose? After all, we were only communicating through the site and he didn't have any personal information like my address or phone number. He responded quickly.

We communicated through the website for almost two months and I had learned enough about this man that I was starting to think about meeting him. My friends told me to slow down and maybe exchange phone numbers. I agreed that was probably the best route to go, so I sent a message. He was just as excited as I was and responded with his number. I was hesitant, but I called. He had a very nice voice and we talked for what felt like hours. We had talked so much through our messages that our conversation felt so natural. It was almost like we had been talking this way forever and was already old friends, or future lovers. He explained that he didn't want to rush me, so we would go at my pace, but he would really like to meet. I said I would have to think it over.

We talked on the phone a few more times, and I decided that it was time that we met. I gave it some serious thought, because I didn't want to put myself in a potentially dangerous situation. My phone number was a cell, so he had no address and I decided that I wanted to keep it that way. I didn't want to sound like I thought he was some sort of freak, so I decided that meeting in a public place would be the best. I called him to make the arrangements. We planned to meet at a restaurant down-town. After we hung up from that conversation, I got really nervous. After all, we did have a lot in common, but what if he was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear? I wanted to meet him because I felt so comfortable with him, even just over the phone, but I wanted to be careful at the same time. I didn't want to give up to much personal information.

Friday quickly rolled around, and I had thought about calling and cancelling several times. I decided to throw caution to the wind and go ahead and meet him. Besides, we were meeting in a very public place, and I was taking my own car. So, if things didn't work out, I could just leave and quit talking to him. It couldn't be that bad, could it? I got dressed; of course I debated about that for hours. I didn't want to come across as easy or anything. So, I got dressed and left for the restaurant.

Once I got there and we met, it seemed like all the pieces feel into place. Our conversation was easy and relaxed. We already knew so much about each other that it only felt natural for us to be together. He turned out to be extremely handsome. Well, he was perfect, exactly what I had been looking for my entire life. We were married the next summer and have our first baby on the way. I have only the dating site to thank for helping me find the man of my dreams and giving me the family I had always dreamed of having."

Submitted by Annette, October 2009

The Advantages of Online Dating

Dating has never been more complicated.

With millions of women dolling themselves up every Friday and Saturday night to go out on the prowl for a new boyfriend, and millions of men equally as determined to find a new partner, it comes as no surprise that people have turned to the internet in a bid to find love.

What is surprising, however, is the amount of people who are unwilling to admit the way they found their partner. With nearly 8 million people in the UK alone logging on to find a date last year, why is online dating such a taboo subject?

After living in New York, the differences in the dating scenes are more than apparent. Whereas in the UK people treat dating as the be all and end all of life itself, in New York both men and women are more likely to treat it as a bit of fun. While it can be hard to deal with, men dating around eight women at once, it is also a much more light-hearted way to cope with love..

New Yorker Robert Sinclair met Emily Mountcrest, his girlfriend of over a year, on a dating website and insists it is better to contact someone via the internet that to just approach a person in a bar.

“I think online dating works because of the sheer number of people you come in contact with,” Robert explained. “In one evening, you might go through 30 profiles, the equivalent of a few months of opening conversations at bars.
“One of the other advantages is that you get the picture part out of the way so it gives you a certain amount of confidence when you meet up with someone. You know that they at least are physically attracted to you enough to go out on a date, and this allows you to be yourself.”

Another attraction to internet dating is that it is the easiest way to meet someone after leaving school or university. Statistically, most people find their future partners at work, or at an educational facility, but if you work in a small office or have left education, then this becomes more difficult.

“It is hard to meet people after college and online dating gives you a forum to do so outside of a bar,” Emily explained.

However, this is not to say there aren’t drawbacks to meeting someone online.
One of the most common problems is when people put up a misleading, or sometimes entirely fake, profile picture.

“I think some people put up misleading photos unwittingly,” Robert added, “but I've definitely met people who wound up looking much worse than their pictures. But on other, rare, occasions you meet people who look better than their pictures.”

It is also easier to make a snap judgement about somebody based entirely on their profile pictures. In a society where the majority of women admit they find a sense of humour one of the most attractive qualities in a man, this can prove problematic.

Everyone has different ways of approaching dating and dealing with their own love lives, but perhaps we should reconsider the reasons behind online dating and realise that, in some situations, it is the perfect way to meet the perfect partner.

The Twelve Golden Rules Of Online Dating

Whether you’re looking for marriage, romance, a casual encounter, or just new friends online dating has proved itself to be a successful method of bringing people together. With the number of sites now in the thousands the choice can seem bewildering and this is why Love Services concentrates on niche sites that provide a common starting point for its members rather than a large pool of people with whom the member may not have a lot (if anything) in common.

Whichever site you join you can benefit from these ten golden rules which when followed fully will multiply your chances of success by several factors.

1. When you first sign up and start building your profile you’ll probably have to tick a few boxes and then type in some text in answer to several questions. Type this out in your word processor first, run a spellchecker over it, proof read it, and make sure you are satisfied with the result. Save a copy on your computer so that you can use it again if you join more than one site.

2. Put some thought into what you want to say about yourself. Don’t just mention your interests; add some detail about what you’re looking for. Men can be particularly reticent and if you are a man try to avoid including overtly sexual references. Women on the other hand tend to write better descriptions of themselves so perhaps all they need to do is to hint at delights to come!

3. As you describe yourself keep to the positive and highlight your best features. Don’t dwell on what you perceive are your weaknesses or faults. Don’t just write one or two lines; no one is going to be interested in that. Anyone seeing something brief and vague is going to assume that you’re not really serious or interested in getting a date and they’ll move on.

4. Upload at least three photos. This is very important so I’ll say it again: UPLOAD AT LEAST THREE PHOTOS. If you can’t upload or don’t know how then make use of the alternatives i.e. email your pictures in as attachments or put them in the post. People will allow go for profiles with photos over those without so if you haven’t added photos to your profile you’re already off to a poor start.

5. Ask a friend or colleague to take a good selection of pictures of you with a digital camera. Try to include some head and shoulders shots as well as full length. Avoid including shots of yourself when drunk, asleep or any other way not at your best; it rarely makes a good impression. Don’t use photos in which you have cut out your ex-partner. Get someone to take a new picture.

6. If someone contacts you, think before replying. Make a good first impression but don’t get carried away. Read the other person’s profile before responding and pick out something that interests you. Avoid using BLOCK CAPITALS.

7. Do respond, even if you’re not interested. This person has taken the trouble to contact you so even if having viewed their profile you are not interested then at least let them down gently. A gentle let down is far preferable to being ignored.

8. If the site contains a Forum then participate in the discussions. People will gradually get to know you by your responses and comments and it’s a good way of making yourself stand out from the crowd.

9. Upgrade your membership i.e. become a fully participating member by taking out a subscription. It’s the only way you will ever be able to initiate contact and it will give you access to all the site’s functions. I know it means parting with hard earned cash but you’ll be paying the equivalent of a few drinks each month for access to a site that could change your life for the better in all kinds of ways.

10. Make sure you’re full aware of all the site’s functions, tricks, and statistics. Use the ‘Saved Searches’ function to keep you up to date with new members who match your criteria. There’s a lot of information to be had if you look for it. Also, read the dating tips and advice and learn from the experience of others.

11. Need help? Stuck? Check the Help and/or FAQ sections on the site. They are so named for very good reasons. FAQ stands for Frequently Asked Questions and the problem you are encountering has probably been dealt with before so check before asking for help. If the answer is not there ASK. That’s what the site administrators are there for – to give you support as well as deal with the technical side.

12. Lastly, when you have enjoyed some success on the site tell the administrators about it. Tell them how it worked, what you think of the site, how happy you are, and what your plans are. You’ll not only feel good about doing so but you’ll be shining some light on the road for those that follow behind you.

Your dream date or new friends could be online today looking for you, so start your search and follow these rules to be assured of a strong chance of success. It might take a few hours or it might take a few months so be persistent.

Many people who have joined one of the Love Services sites have remained members even though they have found a new partner simply because they enjoy the friendships they have also found there.

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