Making every second count on your calls to service singles
Service singles (single men and women in the Armed Forces) overseas are separated by thousands of miles and limited talk time on mobile phones, so it’s important to make every second count.
Service men and women have 30 minutes a week free talk time on their mobile and you need to plan in advance what you are going to say.
It’s hard to keep a romance going on two hours a month talking plus any other time you can grab chatting online.
Don’t forget your partner has eagerly looked forward to your chat as much if not more as you have at least your family and friends are around you in a safe zone.
What to talk about
* Planning the future - Setting out plans for dates when your partner comes home gives them something to look forward to and removes any doubt about the strength of your relationship and gives you both a hook about future promises to think about while you are apart.
* Good times - Remind each other of great days out you have had in the past.
* Fun times - Laugh about people you know or something daft that has happened to them.
What to avoid
* Fretting about your relationship - he or she may will want to know you are OK but they don’t want you to inject any doubt.
* Don’t talk like your grandma - you may have been poorly or have trouble with the bills, but other people really don’t want to know that when they ask how things are going.
The idea is that your conversations and online chats are fun times not moments you dread because you are depressed and miserable about spending time on your own or your partner has to listen to small talk they don’t really want to hear.
Of course, you don’t want to go too far and give your partner the impression that you having such a good time while they are away that you really aren’t bothered whether they come back or not.
Another good idea is to have a checklist of topics to tick off while you are chatting to make sure you do not miss out anything important.
Love song strikes a chord with the services
The favourite love song of many servicemen and women is on sale for friends and families – and all proceeds from the sale go towards helping the wounded from the conflict in Afghanistan.
Love Farewell is a popular folk song rearranged by folk singer John Tams for the Napoleonic War TV series Sharpe.
Tams has released the song, accompanied by the Band and Bugles of The Rifles Regiment.
The military band asked Tams to help them record the song after the reception the band received every time they played for service personnel and their families.
The music has sadly been played at many funerals of serviceman.
Love Farewell is available as a download from the Help for Heroes website for £1 and comes with bonus track Over the Hills and Far Away/Sharpe’s Theme.
“I’m a civilian - I hold no truck with war yet the young men and women returning in heartbreaking numbers, dead and wounded in service was an opportunity to put my voice where they had put their lives – a small gesture for me – an all too often life-losing, life changing sacrifice for them," said Tams.
"It’s a love song, a leave-taking song without jingoism or sabre rattling and if it makes a difference to the care of those coming home and their families, my small contribution has been worthwhile.”
The Rifles music director Captain Mark Purvey, said he rearranged Love Farewell after the regiment's Colonel Commandant, General Sir Nick Parker, challenged him to produce a piece of music that would be relevant to, and inspire today’s soldiers.
"The song was actually from Queen Anne's reign but it really strikes a chord with the lads today too," he said.
"When we played it for some of the troops who were deploying and some who had recently returned, the reception we got was pretty spectacular - they really loved it. It's by soldiers and for soldiers. It's about the horrors of war but it's also about leaving the people you love behind, and looks at both sides. I think most people can relate to that."
Christmas romances can last for years to come
"Please cancel my subscription and remove my profile"
Strange as it may seem such requests are music to our ears. The whole point of a dating is to bring people together after all, and to give them the chance to meet others and form lasting relationships.
So when our members ask us to remove their profiles we do so gladly as our work is done. Besides, more and more members join each week and so the cycle begins again.
Christmas - Humbug or Happy Holidays?
There's something about this time of year that brings emotions to the fore. All those careful controlled feelings that have simmered under a firmly clasped lid all year can easily spill over.
The yearning of a lonely soul is one such stirring that can suddenly become the biggest priority for a single man or woman. So now more than ever is a good time to reach out to others. If you seize the initiative you might just be in for some lovely surprises in the New Year!
The profile that let’s you see yourself as others do
Psychologists have come up with some tests for checking out the suitability of online partners who you may be talking to across thousands of miles without ever meeting.
The tests are free and are pointers towards your partner’s personality and compatibility with you – and if you are really brave, you can try the marriage test as well.
Good advice is to hold back on the marriage test for a while, because you don’t want to frighten the guy or girl off too quickly!
The compatibility test is based on famous psychologist’s Karl Jung’s work in ‘typology’, which is a model of personality traits.
Before you take the test, remember it’s not infallible and is just one of several indicators you should base any decisions that you might make about your relationship.
The test is just a list of questions that requires simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answers. The questions are designed to disclose information about you. Don’t worry about what you reveal because the test is anonymous and you don’t have to show anyone the results.
Click this link to take the test.
The test identifies four facets of your personality:
* Extraversion - introversion – whether you are outgoing or ingoing
* Sensing and intuition – believing information you receive direct from the outside world or from your own imagination
* Thinking and feeling – do you make decisions by logic or emotion
* Judging and perceiving – judging means you are organised and perceiving means you act on the spur of the moment
From the score under each heading, psychologists have modelled 16 character types and researched how these traits affect your life, romances and career.
As a bonus, the test results also gives a list of famous people who have similar personality traits to you.
A good reason to take the test is before you write your online profile. If your profile is not picking up a lot of hits and you want to know why, then taking this test is a good way of seeing yourself as others do.
You can then take the information of your personality type and rewrite a more accurate profile.
Just how much does your profile photo say about you?
The answer is a lot more than you think - a picture can say a thousand words and help you make an instant connection with a life partner, so you should choose your profile image wisely.
The experience is common for people meeting through online dating sites – often with the decision of whether someone is liked or disliked made in just a few seconds.
First impressions do count for a lot, according to a new study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, that claims we can learn a lot about each other’s personality just from appearance alone.
Almost 700 million people have online profiles
A staggering 700 million people worldwide spend time social networking online and most have profiles on several sites with their photographs.
The study found that putting the wrong picture online could give people a completely inaccurate impression about you.
Researchers for the study looked at full body photographs of 123 people that they did not know or had ever seen before. The photos either had the subject in a controlled pose with a neutral facial expression or a natural pose.
The researchers were then asked to rate each person on 10 personality traits by just looking at the photos.
The ratings were combined to work out how well the observers were able to guess the traits.
Even people standing in the controlled pose had their major personality traits accurately predicted, including extroversion, self-esteem, and even how religious they were.
Pick up a partner’s vibe from their photo
For people in a natural pose, the judgments were accurate for nine of the 10 personality traits, like extroversion, agreeability, conscientiousness, emotional stability, openness, likability, self-esteem, loneliness, religion and political orientation.
The message is that however hard you try to be someone you are not, people soon pick up on your real personality and whether they like you or not.
Translating this to your online profile pictures, depending on how the site controls the size of images you can pose, don’t zoom in too close and if possible, show a full body photo.
This gives potential partners a better opportunity to judge your personality rather than flicking on to the next profile. Likewise, before setting on a meeting, ask your friend to send you a full body picture to see what sort of vibe you get.
…And always post a profile picture or you are likely to be ignored, as observers have nothing to make a judgment against.
People You Should Never Date
Revealed! How much flesh a women should show to attract men
Flashing the flesh is certainly a proven method for women to attract the attention of men – but the question has always been how much and which bits.
After some scientific research by women at a nightclub, the answer can finally be revealed – it’s 40% of your body.
That includes the legs and arms – so for the most part the most attractive look is a shortish skirt and sleeveless top.
For the maths, showing your legs counts as 15% each, 10% for the each arm and 50% for the chest and stomach, according to the study.
Tight clothing and sexy dancing
The magic figures were the result of four researchers from the University of Leeds, observing women on the dance floor at four nightclubs who kept a list of how they were dressed and counted how many times men approached them.
Women who revealed around 40% of their skin attracted twice as many men as those who dressed more modestly.
Those who exposed more than the magic 40% didn't get many offers. Experts suggest this is because men believe that women who expose more of their bodies would not be faithful.
The ladies who attracted most men combined the 40% rule with tight clothing and sexy dancing. Apparently the 15% of women who fitted all three criteria were rewarded with approaches from 40 men, according to the scientific journal Behaviour.
Doubts of future infidelity
Lead researcher Colin Hendrie said: "Any more than 40% and the signal changes from 'allure' to one indicating general availability and future infidelity. Show some leg, show some arm, but not any more than that."
So for women who are back to dating after a long absence, showing a bit of leg is fine, but don’t go over the top with plunging necklines and bare midriffs as well, otherwise you’ll shatter the 40% rule and find your look is turning off men rather than making you look attractive.
Strangely the research did not say anything about fake suntans – but the nightclubs were probably too dark for the researches to tell!
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How insecurity destroys online relationships
The big question for online daters who are looking for a guy or girl is whether the relationship is based on love or insecurity.
Everyone wants to live happy ever after with a dream partner, but only those genuinely in love are likely to do so.
So ask yourself carefully before you are drawn in to a commitment what your feelings are really saying to you.
The truth is most people don't like living alone and for one reason or another don't get a shot at their partner of choice. That means most people pick their partners from the available 'pool'.
In this case, the other singles registered on the Love Services site.
Not that there is anything wrong with that, and in no way is anyone settling for second best. If anything, someone is more likely to find a partner who is more suited to their desires on a site like this than elsewhere even if the pool of available people is larger.
Love v Insecurity
But what you need to figure out is are you entering a relationship because you have insecurities about growing old alone or is the other person really someone you can love and live with.
If the answer is your fear, then the relationship is unlikely to succeed and do you really want to be that selfish and unfair to someone else by pretending to live a life that is a lie.
Relationships like this are heading down a rocky road from the start and are inevitably doomed to failure because the insecurities will come out and destroy and real feelings that may be there.
If the answer is love, then the relationship is stronger and more likely to last on a basis of mutual support and respect.
Be honest with yourself
So before your relationship becomes more than just some online fun, be honest with yourself and what you are looking for and you should expect the same from your prospective partner.
Keeping up a relationship over long distance online is hard work for both people.
Having a relationship just because you are in the services and are away from home and lonely is letting your other half down. Likewise, getting involved in a relationship online with someone who is so far away that you are unlikely to ever meet is a sign of insecurity
Sooner or later the day will come when one or both of you look at taking the relationship further by establishing some form of commitment.
If you are in an insecure relationship, this is the time to stand up as an adult and be honest to yourself and your partner. If you don't you may live to regret missing the chance.
